Friday 13 January 2017

I hate mental illness

Hello. I'm sorry it has been a while since my last post. I hope you have had a good year so far and if not i hope that good days are to come. I myself have been in a not very good place. Now I if you have been keeping up with my blog then you will know that unfortunately this is a very common occurrence in my life. This time however it is different. I feel more trapped than ever before. With exam season slowly creeping up on me I cannot help but to feel a sense of dread and insecurity. I do not feel like I have the mental capacity nor the intelligence to get through them. I fear that I will have a breakdown on the day of my exam and inevitably drop out. There are too many variables. Too many things that could go wrong. This has been weighing on my mind for a while now and is something i am hoping to dispel. My personal insecurities have been with me long enough to know it is not however easy. I will always worry that i am not smart or strong enough.

Up until i was 14 years old I knew what my place on earth was. It was to look after my family.. I had to pretend to be strong for my family. I was always there to comfort them but never paid any heed to my own crippling mental health. Since then I have felt like I no longer have a place in the world. My job is done and now i am just trapped in a state of limbo. Unsure of the path ahead.

I wanted to share with you all this picture as I feel it is a very important thing to remember. I still have fond memories with many of the people whom have abused me and that is part of what makes it so hard for me to move on. You know that what they did was wrong but you cannot help but to think of the good times and really that is what tears me up inside.

Okay. I am going to finish up here. I hope you enjoyed reading today's blog post. Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. You have an amazing way with words Sam and that's far more important than a piece of paper that only looks at 1 thing. There are always different ways to get to places and anyway, It's always more interesting to take the scenic route. When something happens overmuch a long period there will be happy memories, they don't make the sad one any better but it's important to know they happened and more importantly to remember that most of them you made for yourself. You brought light and happiness into our lives so many times my love now you need to start doing it to your own. Love woo x

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